corey opened up my heart to a new life of laughter and love. he has shown me an immense amount of compassion — he took me in when i was still feeling broken and vulnerable in some aspects and then helped heal me whole. before i knew it, this guy made me so happy that i began to believe in love again. we have shared many great memories together — many that i will never forget. he has made a substantial impact on my life, and i honestly don’t know where i’d be or who i am if it weren’t for him.
deciding to go our separate ways was hard to accept but to cut the bullshit and pettiness, i hope he can be happy and live a life full of no regrets and what ifs. it has been a painful transition to try and live our lives on our own but i’m letting go with no bitter emotions or feelings. after fighting the fact that we both grew apart and attempting to fix something that was inevitably not there anymore, i have come to learn that as much as you love someone, it is best to set them free — no matter how much it might hurt.
because all i ever think about is what you’re doing, who you’re with, have you found somebody else, and all these questions i have may not ever get answered, i know this. because each day instead of moving on, i hold on to you tighter. i hold on to the idea of us, even though it hurts like hell, even though you broke me. foolishly i have this idea that you’ll come back, that if i keep waiting patiently you’ll realize that a life without me and jrux is something you can’t be without and you’ll come back and fix everything, that you’ll love me again. but, fairytales don’t happen. i KNOW you aren’t coming back. which is why all i see is my pain, all i feel is this stabbing hurt in my heart and a deep sense of loss inside my soul. i’m stuck here feeling every bit of your absence, and i keep thinking how you’re fine without me, that a memory of me doesn’t pass through your mind, and you’ve moved on for good. i lost you and i don’t know how i’ll ever be able to live with myself because of it.
i did everything that i could to love you and each time i loved you i got hurt more and more. i acted wildly without thought. i did things i’m not proud of. i said things i’m not proud of. but it hurts so much to love you still, to think about you constantly. to yearn for your love again. you meant everything to me and now i have to let go. i have to let you go. it’s killing me holding on to something that will never happen. because you no longer love me. and i have to accept that. i’m truly sorry for all the pain i’ve caused you for you to hate me as much as you do and for us to end this way. if i had another chance, i’d do things differently. but i hope that someday you can forgive me for all the trauma i’ve placed in you.
and no matter what we’ve been through, i will always want what is best for you — for you to do what makes you happy and that you succeed in all the things you have always dreamed of.
you can be better for someone new. don’t waste all the pain we’ve already endured to mend the broken past. instead, use it to learn and grow for the future — even if i am no longer in it.
i am forever changed by you and you will always hold a special place in my heart. i wish you the best of luck in all that you do, xoxo ♡︎